Target: to improve your definition essay on the sentence level
1. Thesis check: What is your point about this word? It should be at the heart of your essay.
Samples:
All of us have different things that make us happy, and we all have a different understanding of what it means to be happy, but while thinking about it I've discovered what happiness is.
FEEDBACK: Share the discovery with us! Your thesis is the next sentence!
So, why do only a few individuals have these characteristics, and what does it mean to have sportsmanship?
FEEDBACK: A question is not your point, right?
People use privilege to mean a bouquet of different things.
FEEDBACK: I love the evocative use of the word "bouquet", but "different" is too vague and abstract.
Teenagers are incredibly misunderstood in today's society.
FEEDBACK: Ok, so the problem is clear, but have you defined what it means to be a teenager? At the very least, the thesis should say WHY and HOW (and maybe that will address what teenagers AREN"T?
"Recovery is not just a return to a normal state of mind or body. It is a reset, a start over for someone and building from the ground up. It is not only a physical but a spiritual healing."
FEEDBACK: This works because it clarifies what is isn't first and then attempts to say what it is in precise and powerful language.
I believe love is powerful and demands so many other feelings. It demands happiness, sadness, pain, and trust. But love isn't just another feeling. It's an action.
FEEDBACK: I love the short sentence that gives this thesis its clarifying and emotional power at the end.
3. Create a TEMPLATE for essays in the MLA style.http://goo.gl/o2gv3O
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